Needs Vs Wants

We at The (real) Stepford Wives Association are often beset with queries as to how we determine what we really need as opposed to what we actually want. The bitter truth is, for us, we leave it to our husbands to decide that for us. Real "needs" such as tires for the car or a new comforter or sheet set for the bed are met with little opposition -- so long as the older ones are shabby, torn or plane worn out. If our vacuum breaks down and cannot be repaired, then it becomes a need.

Sometimes there are things we'd love to have, but our husbands see little point, for example a crock pot, might be lovely for some to own but not us. We have time to cook meals without the use of a slow-cooker. We do not disparage those who do utilize one, but our husband's have determined all on their own that we survive just fine without one. We do not have the latest shiny gadgets either because we don't need them. iPhone, iPod, or iWhatever are for our husbands to utilize and not for us. Sometimes they will offer their older one for us to use -- and we appreciate that.

We do not waste our time idly dreaming up wish lists of the latest cleaning gadget either. We have our own tried snd true methods for cleaning that involve mostly a little Comet and a whole lot of elbow grease. We clean our homes from top to bottom each day and the whole home just sparkles because you never know when something might come up. Our closets and drawers are appointed snd never just thrown about willy-nilly. We dispise a closet in disarray as much as we dispise a mussy appearance.

We are hospitable and charitable but continue with our tasks when non-Stepford friends come calling. We do not chat or Skype or daydream about our lives we're far to busy living them! We teach our daughters to be good wives and mothers.

 

Always Smile

Smile, though your heart is aching

Smile, even though it’s breaking

When there are clouds in the sky

you’ll get by

If you smile through your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You’ll see the sun come shining through

for you

Light up your face with gladness

Hide every trace of sadness Although a tear may be ever so near

That’s the time you must keep on trying

Smile what’s the use of crying

You’ll find that life is still worthwhile

If you’ll just

Smile

If we at The (real) Stepford Wives Association had a personal credo (other than to serve men) it would be to simply smile. This simple song written by Charlie Chaplin personifies perfectly what we believe deep inside. We smile. How we feel inside, angry, hurt, frustrated; we do not cry out in anger, we smile through it.

We never falsely feign happiness, we simply are happy and even if we are sad, we outwardly show and demonstrate happiness. We are thrilled with our husbands and the lives they afforded us to live. We remain composed and poised to handle the challenges of modern living wearing our best smile as reflection of our very lives. This is our most beneficial and important asset and it's never false. Our smiles are completely genuine. We are just that happy!

When we do become down or blue we remind ourselves how difficult our husbands must have it, being around people who rarely smile, save for after work. We remind ourselves of all the people so much more less fortunate than ourselves.

It gets us through whatever we are going through, well that and hugely tidy home with healthy children. Plus we have The (real) Stepford Wives Association to help and to see us through. It is also a large reason how we earned our pearls.

 

Sisterhood

 

We at The (real) Stepford Wives Association cheerfully, recognize the importance of sisterhood in maintaining our husbands authority over us. We take great comfort in the fact that so many other people share our views.

We help each other remain on task. We discuss new and exciting ways of pleasing our husbands. We can discuss with equal freedom the times we stumble and fail in our lofty aspirations. We have all failed at one time to mindfully hold our tongues. We have encroached on their territory. We have spoken out of turn.

While we admit these failings we also renew a promise to try harder. To keep our homes spotless, to love our husbands without placing societal demands or restrictions on them. In return our husbands offer their respect and protection freely. We submit to our husband's authority not because we're old fashioned but because they deserve our submission.

Spring is the time of renewals and fresh starts and we applaud all our readers and fellow sisters in Stepford, who faithfully companion us on our continued journey.

 

Together

We at The (real) Stepford Wives Association would like send many kind and happy returns to one of our founding members. She's hosting tonight her first important business dinner. We know she'll shine in true Stepford style that she exemplifies.

This member has had more than her share of interlopers trying to undermine her happy home, but with some deep perseverance and downright Stepford tenacity she won.

Kudos to you, kudos!

 

 

Stepford Valentines

We, at The Real Stepford Wives Association are through the holiday season and onto the next holiday, specifically Valentine's Day. We set that aside to demonstrate how much we care for our husbands and families. We (really) hold zero expectations, in fact many of our husbands view the day as a grand waste of money! If you do consider that flower prices (not only roses) go up in the weeks before the holiday, it becomes easy to see how it's been manipulated. Several of our husbands refuse to participate in this. However, we do enjoy taking that day to actively show how much they mean to us.

Generally speaking we begin the day by offering our husband's a bit of oral service (how embarrassing to admit, nonetheless true) or if we are uncomfortable that way sexual service (again remembering their orgasm right). While they ready for the day we begin their (and our families breakfast. We recommend heart-shaped pancakes which are fun and bit whimsical. Red dye colors half the batch, using a cookie cutter you simply replace one with the other, a dusting of powdered sugar and your family will just adore them. Personally, my husband always smiles when I make these and while he doesn't think it's such a big deal -- he also knows it pleases me to show how important he is. In other words, he really just says its a "woman's thing" and let's it go.

Later during our special cocktail hour, he knows that he can fully expect a Manhattan.  They're festive, with a cherry and oh so yummy -- A manly drink women can share.  Perfect!  Serving on a pretty plate with some ribbons or maybe a peice of dark chocolate is a lovely touch. You can also, take a pitcher of regular martini and add a bit of red food coloring. Traditionally, champaign is served with the meal, whatever his favorite dish is. I routinely head outside (yes often in snow or freezing rain) to grill him a steak -- only the best will do. While he eats, we place the finishing touches on a red velvet cake. Just as a final demonstration of our everlasting love.

After dinner the evening remains about them, with us showering them with our devotion and attention.

Make it special, in everything you do!

Ambiance

We at The (real) Stepford Wives Association completely understand the importance of ambiance to setting the mood and we find it matters little the occasion. A clean home, free of clutter sets the stage, but the small details add the needed flair. Candles, soft lights and music can be as important as the quality of food. Children and adults who listen to classical music while eating dinner tend to eat slower than those watching television.

In the evening, we walk through our home closing curtains and window coverings and we light candles in the rooms we expect to be in. This sets a mood for the evening and we've found it's relaxing. When lighting numerous candles, do try to choose unscented ones or two scents that compliment each other without being overwhelming. Right now a favorite is a green apple and creme brûlée scented candles. The combination is just amazing like the best apple pie you've never made. The rest of the candles are simply unscented and don't compete.

If you have seasonal luminaries, try looking for LCD voltive or tea flameless candles. Using them in any sort of display where the candle is visible is not advisable due to their tacky apperarence, but if it's somewhat enclosed they are more safe than traditional tea lights. Remember shooting can cause fires.

They're also wonderful for Jack O Lanturns, especially during Halloween when the weather is less than perfect.

Pleasing Men

This is a topic, possibly deserving it's own tab, however we cannot begin to discuss it, without speaking of Good Wife Hoax. Proported to have appeared in a magazine in the 1950s it was indeed passed around fax machines in the late 1980s, we know this because two of our members remember it from long before Snopes and the Internet. We were young but never appalled by it, although we understood it had to be fake, the Steford seeds were sewn.

We at The (real) Stepford Wives believe many of these offer some sound advice. In the coming days we will outline our thoughs, observations on how to implement many of the ideals held in a resonable way, section by section or grpuping relevent sections together. We will impart our own real world experiences and how to live a modern Stepford way.

The Good Wife Guide

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
• Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
• During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
• Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
• Be happy to see him.
• Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
• Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
• Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
• Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

 

How it began

It began with an image:

 

One of us was complaining of a difficult day, I put this image on my Facebook page and donned my flame-retardant panties; braced for telling remarks. The women who became my sisters in Stepford replied with kindness. A week or so later we met for our monthly brunch and formed our club The (real) Stepford Wives. We began to institute small changes in each of our perspective marriages, some we are ashamed to admit, were suffering and some possibly headed for divorce.

 

The first was relinquishing all control in the bedroom and never arguing with our husbands. If there was an issue, we began discussing it with respect and giving great deference to their wishes. Not yelling back and calling them stupid. Believe it or not the bedroom was far more difficult since we were well acquainted with the idea that the woman should decide when sex should happen (if at all). Relinquishing that control, meant that we had to do it on their schedule not on ours and no excuses short of menses or contagious illness would change that.

 

After a month, we reported back with our personal successes and abysmal failures, giving us encouragement to continue. Next was we stopped treating our husbands like one of our children, instead asking them more for their thoughts and ideas on how we could better organize our day. They surprised us by rolling up their sleeves and giving us some pretty solid advice that we took to heart and tried. Was their advice always perfect -- no, even the best hitter doesn't hit a home run all the time. But we went back to them and asked what we were doing wrong, which opened the door to real discussion.

Each time we reported back with our successes we became empowered and emboldened to press further. We wished to increase our submission to our husbands and they were loving it.

 

Our husbands were not completely out of the loop, eventually they understood all too well what was going on and more important these changes were here to stay. They rewarded us with each with pearl necklaces to symbolize their commitment. They decided together as a group to do this just for us. One of our husbands remarked that people in the military are routinely given medals, as a show of appreciation, to wear on their uniform. We wives deserved nothing less!

 

Simple Strand of Pearls

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

 

It made us so proud of ourselves and them, we had discovered something very profound and felt very blessed.