We are still Stepford

 

It has been, as Grandma used to say, a dog's age since we updated anything to these pages. Times are different today than they were when we began our journal. We have not met since January of this year, we had a short luncheon to discuss our plans for the year, as we do each January. We set a date to meet again in March to discuss progress and tweak our agenda. The pandemic however, had other plans, and soon we were cut off from each other. As the months stretched out, one of our most vocal members kindly suggested we begin more regular updates. This idea was instantly echoed throughout the group. This might be a good way to remind us all of our purpose as members of the Stepford Wives Association. A renewal of our base tenets to support our men and families. We are now months into this ordeal, without a clear end in sight and adjusting and readjusting our lives to meet the needs. 

Many of our men began working from home when their businesses were shuttered, children began something called, "distance learning" and we were struggling. We have learned through this experience how blessed we were to have our men and children out of the home for several hours a day so that we could cook, clean and handle everything without anyone else around. Now, we're blessed differently in that we're here for a families and better able to meet their needs. 

Our men required that we wear masks almost from the start (long before communities began requiring them) and made sure we understood how to properly use them. We are convinced this advanced directive kept us and our families safe from infection. A few of our men have also determined our children will not be returning to school for the foreseeable future. Again we feel blessed that this is a viable option for us. We do believe our girls will benefit from more time at home and we can broaden their education to include more household duties. 

Our routines have altered but our commitment to our structure remains true. We at The (real) Stepford Wives Association strongly believe this will pass and we will emerge stronger because of it. 

Raising a Family

There is no finer joy than we at The (real) Stepford Wives Association find than serving our husbands. Raising our children comes close. Our sons learn from a young age to be gentlemen. Our daughters, while we hope they would chose to follow in our footfalls, it is more important for them to find their own place. We pass on our household tips on everything from cooking to stain removal. While our sons learn to be protective of women in our homes, the daughters learn what it means to take care of the home. While we encourage our daughters to get good grades, and attend college, even having a career if they desire, we also firmly believe they are in training to be wives and mothers. Like our mother's had raised us, we had veered far from the path, thinking we knew best. But our mothers and grandmothers had it right. Our place is to care for the family.

We made the right choice to put our husbands first with our homes and children close behind. Please do not be put off by the order. Children thrive in a well-kept home, rather than the chaos of an unkept one. A home where healthful meals are prepared from scratch. The children feel secure, especially when their parents are happy.

We at The (real) Stepford Wives strive for this level of perfection in all we do.

 

Etiquette

We at The (real) Stepford Wives Association, believe strongly in wholesome family values. Our husbands lead the home and we couldn't be happier to exist under their thumb. They might seem heavy-handed or even harsh. We do not see them that way in the least. In fact, we welcome their often critical views and adopt their world view as our own.

We dress, not for other women or our church; we dress for our men and if our men love to see our cleavage it's for them. We do not worry that we are inviting temptation or leers of strangers. The idea that men are unable to control their desires is something we find ridiculous. So the woman who cover their bodies in ugly jumpers and wear leggings for modesty so they don't accidentally show a leg is equally silly in our view. We dress for our husbands PERIOD!

On occasion we are invited to "women-only" events or parties and we must RSVP, as required by social norms and rules of etiquette. Social norms have changed greatly since our mother and grandmother's day. Things that were once shunned are rather commonplace -- like people living together without marriage or having babies out of wedlock. Generally, we take these with a case-by-case approach. What goes on with consenting adults is none of our concern.

Today, the lines are blurred and we are often stymied as to what is appropriate. Recently speaking, a few of us were invited to a baby shower for a sixteen year old girl. The proud papa has already given up his future parental rights and the girl has decided to keep her baby. The Grandmother-to-be is hosting the shower. We were torn as to what to do. Do we simply attend and pretend this is something to be happy about? The wish-list is completely outrageous as well. The girl wants her mother's well-meaning friends and family to outfit the whole nursery, complete with top-of-the-line accessories. This still wet-behind-the-ears, never worked a day in her life girl also wants money to continue her education.

We at The (real) Stepford Wives applaud the right to choose! If this girl were an older young woman, with a job or at least a college degree, we would offer our support. If she were getting married, we would offer our support. Just because we remain supportive of choice doesn't mean we must pander to everyone else. The girl in question decided not to abort and that was her choice -- she also rather selfishly decided to keep her baby and try to play house by raising it herself. Another choice.

The best thing for this baby would be adoption and not the kind of adoption where the birth mother strings along an adoptive parent to care for her child until she decides when the baby is no longer a baby to take the child back. No, an adoption where the child is placed -- and it is done quickly so that the teenager can move forward with her life.

We each sent our regrets to the shower in question and it's doubtful our lack of presence was noticed. We did send a gift after the baby was born -- the grandmother sent out announcements. We do wish that young baby-mother the very best -- but we cannot condone this. We celebrate the baby -- not the mother.

 

To Thine Own Self...

We at The (real) Stepford Wives Association, understand thoroughly that we can only control our behavior and influence our children's behavior. We cannot control other adults in our lives. This includes our girlfriends, sisters, family and above all else, our husbands. We spend our energies on things, which are important to us. We clean, we cook, we run errands and we are there for our husbands -- because this is what matters. We do not have careers outside the home -- and we do not look down on those who do (please extend us a similar courtesy). Our homes are our careers and our life experiences come not from the evening news, but from our own backyard.

It is not that we don't care about the outside world, but there really isn't much we could do to effect change. Angry letters to politicians and political pundits will only get us so far. We instead devote ourselves to the things we can achieve -- rather than unobtainable pie-in-the-sky dreams. We can and do achieve a clean house, relatively germ and allergen free, we help to raise thoughtful children who are courteous. We are blessed to live in nice homes...why shouldn't they shine? Our husbands work very hard to provide for us a good life. We are not wealthy. We believe in being frugal with money and live within our means. Our husbands set the standard and the budget and we never question his purchases.

We cannot be responsible for what our husbands think, we are not in anyway accountable for their actions. We are only accountable for our own, which are defined by them!

Our homes are our domaine and our famiy's sanctuary, which we strive to make it comfortable. We dress only for our husbands, some of whom pick out our clothing. We put on makeup, fix our hair and wear perfume, even if we do not leave our homes. Before our husbands return home from work, we do make a point to freshen up our appearance. We also take a few minutes to tidy the house. Our husbands certainly appreciate the efforts.

When we do need to leave our homes, we only do so with our husband's expressed permission. When we shop, we move slowly through the store and neatly arrange items into our cart. We are to never appear rushed or harried. You will absolutely never ever find one of us running through a store in our pj's tossing items into the basket.

We offer our husbands sexual pleasure on their schedule alone. When they want it, we open ourselves up to them. Orgasm is their right, not ours. Do not misunderstand this, our husbands want us sexually satisfied, but they do not worry about it. If it happens for us, wonderful but it is our purpose to give them the pleasure they deserve.

We enjoy pleasing our husbands orally and do not expect it to be reciprocal. We prepare healthful meals, with our husband's dietary needs placed first, then those of our children. Some might lament, how unfair! We disagree with that philosophy, because our needs fall squarely in between them.

Our Routine

Each morning each of us in The Stepford Wives Association begin each day an hour before our families wake. We go downstairs and begin emptying the dishwasher and set the table for breakfast. If we have bread to bake, we will get the yeast started.

We make coffee and begin waking the family, beginning usually with our husbands and we each have our own personal ways of setting their day off on the right foot. Our children and babies are next, older children do have alarm clocks but sometimes neglect to set them, so taking a moment to check on them is a good thing.

After assuring all are beginning their morning routines, we begin cooking breakfast, setting out coffee and juice, and doing whatever is needed. Yesterday in our home the breakfast menu was a whole grain pancake, fresh fruit and warmed berry preserves as topping. Everything made from scratch naturally.

Lunch boxes were prepared and filled with carrot sticks, a small apple or other fruit. Petite sandwiches, with goat cheese, turkey and arugula with a drizzle of cranberry. Sandwiches for our are sliced into fun shapes filled with their favorite ingriedients.

When our children are safely on the bus and our husbands are out the door, it's time to begin our cleaning rituals. We call them rituals because everything is accomplished in a proper way. We scrub our bathrooms, wash down the showers and dust the floors. As we leave we wipe the door handles. We go through each room with a dust cloth, make beds and fluff pillows. We vacuum high traffic areas.

We keep meticulous lists and plan errands to conserve gasoline. Too many marketing trips lead to overspending. Our husbands lay out a budget. We dress sharply when we run those errands. We walk slowly through the stores and never toss items haphazardly into our carts. It isn't easy, the slow purposeful walk we do. We mustn't rush through the store, since rushing can lead to overlooking items we need.

Upon returning home, we put away the items methodically.

We do often take a few moments to go through the mail, removing junk mail into the recycle bin, the rest goes onto our husband's desk. We might also check email also. We will send a text message to our husbands to let them know we are home safely. That brings to mind another thing we always do, or rather will not do; we never leave our homes without our husband's permission.

We begin to get ready for our children's return from school, we offer them a snack and assist with homework. During this time it's also useful to begin dinner.

Look for part two tomorrow.

Being a Dad Does Not Equal Bungling

We at The (real) Stepford Wives Club are often ashamed of what we see on television, so much so we collectively decided not to watch it anymore. Our homes are quieter, there's far less excitement at the end of the busy day. When we do watch, we use it as a teaching tool to our youngsters. Sure Homer Simpson is funny, but he's a poor Dad role model. Like Peter Griffin, he's an idiot. But those are cartoons, yet our Tv history is rife with bungling Dad's. Even Father Knows Best was often shown, while he could give sound advice was often manipulated by his wife. And displayed as if "normal."

Herman Munster would jump up and down like a child when he didn't get his way. -- it's a wonder he didn't fall through the floor.

Tim Taylor would grunt and talk about giving everything more power. He also didn't evolve, his wife did and probably once the last kid was out of the house left him.

Even Bill Cosby couldn't enjoy a moment to himself without having a child or his wife boss him around.

And please don't get us started on Everybody Loves Raymond. They might have gotten laughs, but were shown to be quite pathetic without women to help them. This trend continues today with The Middle, Modern Family and the like. These are not men, the way they are portrayed worthy of our submission.

Don Draper

Then there's Mad Men's Don Draper. He works hard, plays hard and seems to genuinely to love his three children.

While we'll admit as a character he's deeply flawed. We would rather have a good provider and not behave like a child or be someone we need to parent.

He is a man who can take care of himself. We at The (real) Stepford Wives applaud that.