Saint Patrick's Day

Saint Patrick's Day is a wonderful occasion to show our husbands how much we care.  It is a fun time as well to dote on them and we at The (real) Stepford Wives Association always feel that is a good thing.  

Why is Irish Soda Bread only made once a year?  In Ireland it is a daily bread.  It is easy to prepare, requires no kneading and can be dressed up or down with ease.  Traditionally, it should only have flour, baking soda, buttermilk, and salt.  What can be more simple? Brown or whole wheat flour can easily be substituted.  You can add a bit of honey, or sugar or just about anything else.  

Of course and quite naturally the star of your Saint Patrick's table should be corned beef and cabbage.  Don't forget to add some beer to the water.  It add a special zip we are sure your husband will appreciate.  Corned beef is beef that has been brined, so give it a quick rinse under cold water.  

With additions of beer and spices it is fool-proof dish.  Allow it to boil and you can finish it (to brown the edges) in the oven for a few minutes more.  

We like chunks of cabbage, so we try to cook it in the pot in halves, leaving the core intact until serving when its more easily removed and it makes for a nicer appearance.  

Stepford Style

We, at The (real) Stepford Wives Association believe strongly that Valentine's Day is strictly for those we love -- specifically our husbands.  We routinely keep our personal expectations of the day ultra low.  We do not ever supply our husbands with wish lists from Tiffany and Co.  Or any other place.  We go the extra mile to assure their day is nice.  

In the days ahead of the holiday, we will buy our husbands a lovely card, note: a nice card, without disparaging sayings about failed household projects that are supposed to humorous.  We do not ever use any holiday or birthday for that matter to "pick" on our husbands.  It is an opportunity to demonstrate our love and desire for them, never to put them down.  

Should our husbands decide to honor us with a gift of candy or flowers (or anything else) we accept it graciously and fawn over it.  A gift you ask for is not really a gift and if our husbands decide to give one it comes from their own hearts.  That is truly the real gift.  We do not espouse to the Hallmark version of what this holiday means.  

The day traditionally begins with breakfast, and it is whatever is our husband's favorite dish we can prepare.  Yes, it can require that we get up even earlier to set out bread to rise for our incredible cinnamon pecan buns.  One in our group loves a Denver styled omelet, others have their own favorite.  Whatever it is we take pride in providing it, sometimes with a Valentine's Day flourish.  

It is a complete day of their favorites and we do whatever needed to ensure that their day is stress free. Should the holiday fall on a work day, for example, we are certain to pack a lunch for him, so he isn't bothered with trying to find a place in a restaurant.   It will include whatever he believes to be the perfect lunch, even if it means grilling a chicken breast to perfection outdoors in snow in the early morning hours so he can have a grilled chicken sandwich for lunch.  

Sometimes we will deliver the lunch to them, but only if the gesture is welcomed by them.  A nice cloth napkin, like the finest restaurant adds a personal touch.  Last year, one of our Stepford Sisters found her husband out of town on that day so she arranged room service to deliver him a proper meal when he returned to the hotel after a long day of meetings.  

Dinner again is whatever their favorite meal might be, again and it cannot be stressed enough, that it is whatever he most loves to dine.  

Spend the day doing extra special things for him,  such as cleaning his golf clubs, washing his car,  or cooking his mother's recipe for lasagna.  Nothing is too daunting for us.  Don't expect praise or recognition for whatever you do.  It is not done for that reason or a way to bounce up and down "look at me!" It is simply a gesture to show how much our husbands mean to us.  

It should be about them alone.  So if your husband enjoys a soak in the hot tub after a long day with work weary people, by all means have a towel ready for him.  Help him undress and make sure the hot tub is all ready to go.  Dinner can be held when he is ready.  

We at The (real) Stepford Wives Association believe in making Valentine's Day extra special for the men we love, admire and who provide for us and enrich our lives.  

Overnight Guests

We, at the (real) Stepford Wives association believe strongly in being prepared for unexpected or expected overnight guests. It is always the niceties people neglect. Sure we have all seen the ready-made "guest baskets" but how useful are they? Most are filled with single use items. We Stepford's abhor the the idea of reusing a loofa (just one of the many items always included). It makes you think twice if you stay over at a friend's home and are offered one. Or think of it this way, would you let someone else outside maybe your husband, use your loofa? Why on earth would you include one of these? Even if you are not completely certain the guest used them to shower, you still must toss them after.

 

So what does our guest list include?

 

• A water Carafe and glass (or two) The last thing you want are overnight guests bumbling around your kitchen to find a glass. Do fill the carafe, never fill the glass. Any type will do, you can certainly go fancy or keep a simple glass water bottle with a stopper atop. Some magazines (cough, cough) recommend a drop or two of food coloring as a 'treat' for guests. We do not recommend that. Should the guest spill it, it will ruin their clothing, your bedding or carpet.
• A toothbrush and travel tube of toothpaste This one might sound silly but often you can find them for free at your dentist office, sure they have the name of the dentist printed on them, but they're wrapped in plastic and welcome sight for the person who might have forgotten their own. If they don't use it, you'll know. Never, ever offer an unwrapped toothbrush, unless the guest witnesses you pulling it out of a multipack.
• Shampoo, soap, wash and a personal hand towel The soap should be wrapped up so the guest knows its unused. You can use travel size shampoos. The hand and wash towels should look different than any regular towel so the guest doesn't lose track of them!
• Bath Towels Again, special ones that won't become confused with other towels in the house, true especially if the guest must share a bathroom with other family members.
• If you know your guest is an early riser, set up coffee the night before: Yes, we prefer pressed coffee too, but your guest might not want to go through that trouble or know how it works. If they aren't the early rise types, disregard it.
• A nice large Bathrobe: Very important especially if guests are expected to share a bathroom with other family members.
• Empty Closet and/or dresser: This is a nice one, most people store extra things into closets or drawers in guest rooms. A couple games, a deck of cards, but the guest shouldn't be overwhelmed with your family's junk. If there is a writing desk in the room, supply stationary or even postcards and pens. Maybe a couple postage stamps.
• Place extra toilet paper on the tank Again you do not want your guests hunting for extra toilet paper. Sure, your family knows where it's hidden, but the guests do not. Normally, we Stepford's find it horrible but it's a welcome sight at parties -- because you never know.
• Candles, matches or flashlight and extra blankets In case of a power failure or the room becomes cooler than your guest prefers extra blankets in the closet or placed draped across the bottom of the bed is a lovely touch.
• Acquaint yourself with the guest, if possible, before they arrive so you can tailor your own items to suit their needs.
• Do enquire about dietary concerns your guest might have. Try not to offer bacon for breakfast if your guest has a history of heart disease. If the guest is completely unexpected don't worry about it or run out to try to find the British crumpets and clotted cream they mentioned briefly. People who are unexpected are usually the most forgiving.
• Do ask if they prefer coffee or tea or juice. Make sure the sugar bowl and creamer are filled -- especially if your family doesn't use it. If they are tea drinkers make sure you have fresh lemon, maybe honey available and different teas are a lovely touch

The point is, you want guests to lose the inherently awkward feelings one has when spending the night at a friend's home. You want them to feel as comfortable as possible.

 

From the Past: Gloves

Recently we at The (real) Stepford Wives Association met to catch up on the latest events in our lives. We had a lovely brunch at the home of a fellow Stepford wife and spent time discussing the journal. Eventually the subject turned to television and movies, specifically period pieces from days gone by. Shows like Downton Abbey, movies like Titanic were also mentioned.

We absolutely loath television shows and shun many films, unless it's something our husbands wish to treat us to. Otherwise we are simply too busy to engage. One item that was mentioned was a bit of etiquette surrounding gloves. it seems one of our sisters in Stepford questioned if it was considered proper to eat while wearing gloves as often seen on TV.

Absolutely not! Not ever should a lady wear gloves to eat or drink. At a dance or formal gathering a lady will remove her gloves before accepting a drink or bite to eat, better still a lady would refuse it all together. Opera length gloves should be treated as lingerie and never removed publicly seductively or as though one would do a burlesque. One would remove it discretely before being seated at the table and placed in your bag, or they could rest under your napkin, take care that it doesn't fall or slip from the spot. Some might suggest that you rest them on seat and sit on them while dining, if that can be achieved again discretely it is fine. They are returned after the meal is complete and again without fuss or flourish -- usually in the ladies room after lipstick has been reapplied. Do we need to suggest that you remove them when you use the bathroom? We shouldn't and it should be obvious why.

Different types of gloves and their purpose

Short cotton gloves are generally what one might think of an all-purpose glove. You can wear them while driving, shopping, running errands, meeting your husband for lunch, going to the movies, etc. One never wears gloves while engaged in eating, drinking, or applying makeup. These gloves may only cover the hand, usually with a pearl button at the bottom, or extend to cover the wrist entriely or partially. One never wears a ring of any type over the glove -- it's just tacky.

Lace gloves that extend slightly past the wrist are suitable for outdoor weddings, or other semi-formal events. All the rules apply.

Formal length gloves go to the just the elbow and are reserved for special occassions like social gatherings, formal dances or gala events (such as dinner with the president, a prestigious award ceremony).

Short, formal or opera length gloves are for formal occassions only and can be made from soft kid-leather, silk or satin. The length of gown one wears might provide a clue to length of glove. Tea length gown, shorter gloves, fitted longer gown formal length to the elbow. Extreme formal events opera length with a suitable gown -- it should be noted opera length goes passed the elbow, midway the upper arm -- those extending to the shoulder are passé and often considered gauche. The gloves should only be purchased in three colors, white/off white; taupe, or black. The only exception might be an opera silk or satin glove dyed to match or nicely contrast the gown. A long black glove should never be worn with light pastel dress. A white glove long or opera length can be worn to balance a black dress. In any case the gloves should be snug in fit, but not too tight they appear to cut off circulation or so loose, they gap or fall down the arm (or off the hand).

We at The (real) Stepford Wives Association do love our gloves, hats and scarves and hope to see you making the most of them also.

 

Mother's Day

Whilst many women hold high expectations about mother's day, we at The (real) Stepford Wives Association do not.  In fact, we prefer spending the day doing all the things we love, which includes doing special things for our husbands.  Let's not forget without them, we wouldn't be mother's.  Being recognized is fine for those who need it, but really when we cook, clean, do laundry we are actively showing our families how much we love and adore them.  What better way to show it than on Mother's Day?  

Husbands should honor their own mothers, just as we should.  So we do take up the task to buy a few special items for them, which are wrapped by us, some even pick up a card for their husband to sign.  Some of our husbands prefer to send flowers to their mothers (and ours) and will often have flowers sent to us as well.  Just because -- we think it's silly that they would buckle to a societal pressure but we also do not mention that to them.  

Some of us are lucky to have our mothers and fathers still with us, so when we gather to celebrate them, we try to make it something a little special.  A lovely corsage sets the right tone, a lovingly prepared meal with the flowers received as the centerpiece -- what on earth can be better than that?  Mimosa and Slo Gin Fizzes flow for our mothers and sometimes a pitcher of Bloody Mary for the men.  It is far less expensive and much more comfortable to stay home and celebrate than go for the traditional hotel brunch fare, with eggs that are like rubber and mimosa isn't even included despite the huge $$.  

Now some women reading this might laugh or feel prickles and even wonder aloud, 'who honors these women,' the question is fair.  Our husbands do honor us by allowing us to be women.  And we at The (real) Stepford Wives Association find little to be wrong with that.  

Happy New Year

We at The (real) Stepford Wives Association believe strongly in a well organized life. What better way to begin but the start of a whole new year? The calendar is clear, and the year begins fresh and shiny. It's also time to exchange the red and green for gold and white. Out with the old and in with new (year).

Have plenty of champagne for good cheer as we and our sisters in Stepford, begin the year in style.

Our first tip is once the Christmas decorations are put away, the tree taken down, the thank you notes written and mailed, it's time to go through the mountain of cards. It's the perfect opportunity to update your card list, and double check mailing addresses. Also, make special notes of children's names and ages so your never caught unawares. Make a resolution to keep in touch more than once per year. If your not close enough to warrant a phone call, you might want to rethink if they're worth the effort of a stamp.

Buy all your birthday cards for the year in early January. Make a list, check it twice, address the envelope, and file it by month. We shy away from prewriting them out, but for some it might be appropriate. Others might want to include something more personal note -- such as mentioning a big vacation they recently took.

Also take a moment to write down each birthday on your calendar, including children. Don't forget important coworkers of your husband, including spouses and anniversary or celebratory occasions. Our husbands always marvel at how we keep all those important dates. Also, when purchasing cards, add a few blank (not too feminine) and others such as, condolence, get well, congratulations and just generic "thinking of you." January is the perfect time to make sure you have few extra of each type in addition to all those important cards. Update throughout the year, when you buy special occasion cards (Valentimes, Mother's Day, etc). Next December begin constructing next year's list.

Start the year with clean sheets. It sounds silly, but beginning the year with all the wash, all the cleaning, all the beds with spanking clean bedding is a most fine way to begin the year.

Make a sound resolution to be the best reflection of your husband and embrace more the fact that everything you do is really for him and because of him.

 

Political Correctness

During times of deep political correctness we at The (real) Stepford Wvies Association, firmly resolve to follow our husband's directives about all things that happen outside the home. Inside the home, we clean, cook and care for families,but outside we simply bask in their leadership. We refrain from making any type of political endorsement, or voicing an opinion. That, to us, is man talk and is left to them.

Should a friend at a social gathering inquire about who we are voting for in an upcoming election, we might simply reply that we haven't decided. If that remark wouid invite discourse, we simply admit we leave such matters to our husband. It's a good lesson for us in humility. If we cannot handle the steely eyes of strangers, how could we claim to feel any sense of pride in our homes, or our well-kept appearance? We gladly take the back-seat and leave the directions to them. They'll let us know how we should vote in any election. If your state allows absentee voting or voting by mail, you can simply sign the form, and hand the blank ballot to your man for them to fill out as they wish!

It's really what being a good wife is about.

 

Stepford Valentines

We, at The Real Stepford Wives Association are through the holiday season and onto the next holiday, specifically Valentine's Day. We set that aside to demonstrate how much we care for our husbands and families. We (really) hold zero expectations, in fact many of our husbands view the day as a grand waste of money! If you do consider that flower prices (not only roses) go up in the weeks before the holiday, it becomes easy to see how it's been manipulated. Several of our husbands refuse to participate in this. However, we do enjoy taking that day to actively show how much they mean to us.

Generally speaking we begin the day by offering our husband's a bit of oral service (how embarrassing to admit, nonetheless true) or if we are uncomfortable that way sexual service (again remembering their orgasm right). While they ready for the day we begin their (and our families breakfast. We recommend heart-shaped pancakes which are fun and bit whimsical. Red dye colors half the batch, using a cookie cutter you simply replace one with the other, a dusting of powdered sugar and your family will just adore them. Personally, my husband always smiles when I make these and while he doesn't think it's such a big deal -- he also knows it pleases me to show how important he is. In other words, he really just says its a "woman's thing" and let's it go.

Later during our special cocktail hour, he knows that he can fully expect a Manhattan.  They're festive, with a cherry and oh so yummy -- A manly drink women can share.  Perfect!  Serving on a pretty plate with some ribbons or maybe a peice of dark chocolate is a lovely touch. You can also, take a pitcher of regular martini and add a bit of red food coloring. Traditionally, champaign is served with the meal, whatever his favorite dish is. I routinely head outside (yes often in snow or freezing rain) to grill him a steak -- only the best will do. While he eats, we place the finishing touches on a red velvet cake. Just as a final demonstration of our everlasting love.

After dinner the evening remains about them, with us showering them with our devotion and attention.

Make it special, in everything you do!

Stepford New Year

Welcome 2013

We, at The (real) Stepford Wives Association firmly believe in making our husbands New Years Resolutions come true.  It doesn't matter what they are we make it part of our own personal ones.

If weight-loss is on their list, we provide them healthful meals.  We do not tell them how to diet.  We don't tell them, don't snack or are you really going to have chips while you watch the game?

We won't buy chips and we will provide healthful snacks.

Our resolutions are only to be better wives to them.  To exceed their expectations and love them without condition.

The Stepford Holiday

We at The (real) Stepford Wives Association believe in the perfect holiday season. Our homes sparkle with tasteful decorations with our live tree as the center-piece. Our Christmas and holiday greeting cards were written, addressed and ready for mail on the 1st of December, complete with a photographic collage of memories. Each card is handwritten with a personal reflection to the recipient. We never ever use a computer (although we love our computers) letter generically filled with annual goings on. These, we feel not only are far too impersonal, tacky and lazy.

A personal message might be something, "It was wonderful spending time with you at our family reunion this year." and include something personal -- like about picking flowers or a meal prepared. It's far better to include a personal and individual message than to write to everyone on photocopied paper, we attended a family reunion -- it was fun.

Our homes get a once-over, cabinets cleared -- canned goods and other foods donated to worthy causes. Space is made for the goodies we bake daily during the season, betwix our cleaning and shopping schedules. We already put up our preserves, which can be used for homemade gifts, as well as family treats.

If you attend a holiday function at a friend or relative's home, we believe it is completely appropriate to not only bring a bottle of good wine, but also a basket of baked breakfast goods, such as muffins or scones. Now, the basket should be presented more discretely, for the hostess' eyes only. A day or so after the party, drop by the residence with a nice thank you note in hand; good taste should dictate the basket returned to you.

If, for any reason your husband disagrees, or wishes to keep your muffins for just yourselves, accept it as a lovely compliment and defer to his wishes.