Being a Stepford Wife

We, at the (real) Stepford Wives Association often discuss about being a Stepfrod Wife and how to be the best wife to our husbands. It isn't about being "perfect" but perfect for them. Being the way they wish us to behave, dress, cook and keep house. We are not a "retro" group. We do not surround ourselves with everything from the 1950s or earlier. Sure, some might wear vintage clothing. We prefer modern vacuum cleaners to the ones our Grandmothers used. Of course, hand scrubbing floors is always preferable to other meathods. A little white distilled vinegar, some warm water and your floors will sparkle. Dry the floors as you go to prevent danamge to hardwood.

Good old fashioned elbow grease is always preferable to many modern appliances.

We avoid using food processors for a good set of knives, unless absolutely necessary. However there is one item, our stand mixers and that's used frequently for all the bread, cakes and the Kitchen Aid stand mixer has many attachments, like a juicer, pasta and sausage maker. We appreciate having one good tool that can serve many purposes.

The internet has a wealth of information but if one searches "Being a Stepford Wife" aside from this place you find many blogs or websites just talk about emulating the movie -- not even the book! Wear flowery pastels because that's what the women wore in the movie and never mind if your husband hates that look!

Which brings us to the final point, if we are under their command and authority, who are we to decide what is "Stepford" enough? That's for them to dictate. They demand a clean home, a well-kept wife and mother to their children, as well as sexually satisfying for them. They want a woman to behave as a lady and not try to do his job of being a man. Our communication with our husbands is far stronger than those marriages outside our circle of Stepford. We can truly go to them for any reason at all, especially if we are feeling overwhelmed or bogged down. They empower us, by taking control. Thus placing us in the position to lift their spirits when they're stressed and provide them with love and balance they deserve.

 

Overnight Guests

We, at the (real) Stepford Wives association believe strongly in being prepared for unexpected or expected overnight guests. It is always the niceties people neglect. Sure we have all seen the ready-made "guest baskets" but how useful are they? Most are filled with single use items. We Stepford's abhor the the idea of reusing a loofa (just one of the many items always included). It makes you think twice if you stay over at a friend's home and are offered one. Or think of it this way, would you let someone else outside maybe your husband, use your loofa? Why on earth would you include one of these? Even if you are not completely certain the guest used them to shower, you still must toss them after.

 

So what does our guest list include?

 

• A water Carafe and glass (or two) The last thing you want are overnight guests bumbling around your kitchen to find a glass. Do fill the carafe, never fill the glass. Any type will do, you can certainly go fancy or keep a simple glass water bottle with a stopper atop. Some magazines (cough, cough) recommend a drop or two of food coloring as a 'treat' for guests. We do not recommend that. Should the guest spill it, it will ruin their clothing, your bedding or carpet.
• A toothbrush and travel tube of toothpaste This one might sound silly but often you can find them for free at your dentist office, sure they have the name of the dentist printed on them, but they're wrapped in plastic and welcome sight for the person who might have forgotten their own. If they don't use it, you'll know. Never, ever offer an unwrapped toothbrush, unless the guest witnesses you pulling it out of a multipack.
• Shampoo, soap, wash and a personal hand towel The soap should be wrapped up so the guest knows its unused. You can use travel size shampoos. The hand and wash towels should look different than any regular towel so the guest doesn't lose track of them!
• Bath Towels Again, special ones that won't become confused with other towels in the house, true especially if the guest must share a bathroom with other family members.
• If you know your guest is an early riser, set up coffee the night before: Yes, we prefer pressed coffee too, but your guest might not want to go through that trouble or know how it works. If they aren't the early rise types, disregard it.
• A nice large Bathrobe: Very important especially if guests are expected to share a bathroom with other family members.
• Empty Closet and/or dresser: This is a nice one, most people store extra things into closets or drawers in guest rooms. A couple games, a deck of cards, but the guest shouldn't be overwhelmed with your family's junk. If there is a writing desk in the room, supply stationary or even postcards and pens. Maybe a couple postage stamps.
• Place extra toilet paper on the tank Again you do not want your guests hunting for extra toilet paper. Sure, your family knows where it's hidden, but the guests do not. Normally, we Stepford's find it horrible but it's a welcome sight at parties -- because you never know.
• Candles, matches or flashlight and extra blankets In case of a power failure or the room becomes cooler than your guest prefers extra blankets in the closet or placed draped across the bottom of the bed is a lovely touch.
• Acquaint yourself with the guest, if possible, before they arrive so you can tailor your own items to suit their needs.
• Do enquire about dietary concerns your guest might have. Try not to offer bacon for breakfast if your guest has a history of heart disease. If the guest is completely unexpected don't worry about it or run out to try to find the British crumpets and clotted cream they mentioned briefly. People who are unexpected are usually the most forgiving.
• Do ask if they prefer coffee or tea or juice. Make sure the sugar bowl and creamer are filled -- especially if your family doesn't use it. If they are tea drinkers make sure you have fresh lemon, maybe honey available and different teas are a lovely touch

The point is, you want guests to lose the inherently awkward feelings one has when spending the night at a friend's home. You want them to feel as comfortable as possible.

 

From the Past: Gloves

Recently we at The (real) Stepford Wives Association met to catch up on the latest events in our lives. We had a lovely brunch at the home of a fellow Stepford wife and spent time discussing the journal. Eventually the subject turned to television and movies, specifically period pieces from days gone by. Shows like Downton Abbey, movies like Titanic were also mentioned.

We absolutely loath television shows and shun many films, unless it's something our husbands wish to treat us to. Otherwise we are simply too busy to engage. One item that was mentioned was a bit of etiquette surrounding gloves. it seems one of our sisters in Stepford questioned if it was considered proper to eat while wearing gloves as often seen on TV.

Absolutely not! Not ever should a lady wear gloves to eat or drink. At a dance or formal gathering a lady will remove her gloves before accepting a drink or bite to eat, better still a lady would refuse it all together. Opera length gloves should be treated as lingerie and never removed publicly seductively or as though one would do a burlesque. One would remove it discretely before being seated at the table and placed in your bag, or they could rest under your napkin, take care that it doesn't fall or slip from the spot. Some might suggest that you rest them on seat and sit on them while dining, if that can be achieved again discretely it is fine. They are returned after the meal is complete and again without fuss or flourish -- usually in the ladies room after lipstick has been reapplied. Do we need to suggest that you remove them when you use the bathroom? We shouldn't and it should be obvious why.

Different types of gloves and their purpose

Short cotton gloves are generally what one might think of an all-purpose glove. You can wear them while driving, shopping, running errands, meeting your husband for lunch, going to the movies, etc. One never wears gloves while engaged in eating, drinking, or applying makeup. These gloves may only cover the hand, usually with a pearl button at the bottom, or extend to cover the wrist entriely or partially. One never wears a ring of any type over the glove -- it's just tacky.

Lace gloves that extend slightly past the wrist are suitable for outdoor weddings, or other semi-formal events. All the rules apply.

Formal length gloves go to the just the elbow and are reserved for special occassions like social gatherings, formal dances or gala events (such as dinner with the president, a prestigious award ceremony).

Short, formal or opera length gloves are for formal occassions only and can be made from soft kid-leather, silk or satin. The length of gown one wears might provide a clue to length of glove. Tea length gown, shorter gloves, fitted longer gown formal length to the elbow. Extreme formal events opera length with a suitable gown -- it should be noted opera length goes passed the elbow, midway the upper arm -- those extending to the shoulder are passé and often considered gauche. The gloves should only be purchased in three colors, white/off white; taupe, or black. The only exception might be an opera silk or satin glove dyed to match or nicely contrast the gown. A long black glove should never be worn with light pastel dress. A white glove long or opera length can be worn to balance a black dress. In any case the gloves should be snug in fit, but not too tight they appear to cut off circulation or so loose, they gap or fall down the arm (or off the hand).

We at The (real) Stepford Wives Association do love our gloves, hats and scarves and hope to see you making the most of them also.