We at The (real) Stepford Wives Association believe whole-heartily in real world examples of why we came to live the Stepford way. While some might "cherry pick" ideals they find repulsive or that go against the grain of their feminist beliefs, if they carefully read through these pages they will have a deeper understanding of how we have chosen to live our lives.
One exercise we found terribly useful was to write down, physically putting pen to paper, 5 ways we tried to control our husbands.
After we asked them to answer the following for each, what would happen if you suddenly gave up control on each of those things? What would happen? Would the world stop revolving? Well, we agree that would not be the outcome -- but the question remains what is the worst thing that would happen? How do you think your husband feels when you correct him or nag him?
Once you recognize this is really about fears, terrifying and often debilitating fear, you begin to gain the courage to face your fears. Let go slowly each of those things on your list. Begin apologizing when you catch yourself doing them (remember girls Rome wasn't built in a day).
Next write down what were the qualities that you husband possessed during your courtship that made you wish to marry him the first place? Did you go into the marriage with the notion that he'd be perfect once you changed him?
If the answer is yes, then we have nothing further to discuss -- you may stop reading content in your superior knowledge; please continue emasculating your husband since it allows you to feel better about yourself.
However if by chance you married your husband without the intent to change him, but simply lost your way and want to change the behavior then these pages are for you.
Earlier this year while meeting a good friend for coffee, as I listened carefully to my friend's lamentations about her husband. It seemed she was concerned with leaving the baby home alone With her husband. Because, you know, he's a man and stupid. As I listened it occurred to me that it could have been me saying this. What was the worst thing that could happen? The child's meal might be late? The diaper might explode? The truth is she was simply afraid of letting go of her control. She had the upper hand in their relationship or at least that part of it. But with all that concern and worry, she was denying herself a carefree afternoon.
Most women control their husbands because they're afraid their needs will go unmet.
When I pointed this out to her, she scoffed. But a week or so later, she phoned me, and wanted to meet again. We met with some of our Stepford sisters, and discussed freely our ideals. I believe it was Mrs Lowenstein who pointed out that she will never know what my friend's husband is capable of, until she let go of her fear and find out, by sitting back. She went on to explain she'll never know the man she married, unless she stops controlling and manipulating outcomes.
In the end, my friend discovered that she could better meet her own needs, when she let go of trying to control her husband. Now this friend has immersed herself into the Stepford way of life. Her home is cleaner, her children happier and husband more fulfilled. Her needs are now easily met. She learned that when she dominated her husband, it ebbed her fears and made her feel safe. Taking the time to give up that control, she learned her husband could indeed protect her.
For her birthday, her husband purchased a diamond earrings. Completely on his own without her advice, something he would never have dared to do before.
