Stepford Wifery 101 part 8

From the Good Wife Guide:

Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

If any part of this list is true, we at The (real) Stepford Wives believe this final point is the crux of our personal beliefs. Our husbands are the celebrated heads of our houses. This is why our first rule is never argue with them. If they spend money on something we know and trust we can afford it. While we are free to look at bank statements and the like, we often choose not to because of our faith in them. We do not steal money from their wallets. We ask them before spending exorbitant amounts on major purchase. They decide on our budget and we stick to that.

In short we trust our husbands. We might at times disagree with them, but we know in our hearts they have our best interest. We voice disagreements decidedly, without raising our voices or becoming defensive. We do not manipulate our husbands, their final word is law. Period.

There are times we do not agree, but we hold our tongues and if they do make an error, we NEVER hold it against them.

 

Stepford Wifery 101 part 7

From the Good Wife Guide:

• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

Since it seems unclear if this is something to be done before dinner, we at The (real) Stepford Wives believe this is after dinner, before bedtime. Many of our husbands work at home in the evenings so taking extra steps to see to their comfort is very important. Seeing to their comfort is our pleasure. Creating a calm pleasing environment.

We do routinely offer to remove our husbands shoes after dinner (we believe shoes should be worn at the dinner table) and help them get settled. We check on them offering to refresh their drinks, offer snacks, or the TV remote. We speak always in low pleasing tones, our job is to relax our husbands not stress them out.

Stepford Wifery 101 part 6

From The Good Wife Guide:

Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

This is the one part that we at The (real) Stepford Wives take a teeny bit of exception to. We maintain a good husband, who loves and respects his wife as our husbands do, would never put us through the distress of not coming home. Our relationships are very much based on give and take. While we might not question our husbands for being a little late, we would expect an explanation if they stayed out all night. Or decided to have drinks with the guys without so much as a phone call. Flights can be delayed and life can cause complications, but even they understand we are not doormats.

We would not however accuse them of anything unseemly, nor scream at them. We would quietly wait for them to explain and accept their explanation without question. If we felt we were being taken unfair advantage of, we would without hesitation change the locks on the house.

What we have is a very delicate balance. Our husbands respect us and take their position as seriously as we do. We would never hand over everything we are, in our Stepford ideals to any man unworthy or untrustworthy.

Such a man might include the following characteristics:

1. He abuses alcohol or uses drugs (including prescription medicines) or has any untreated addictions
2. He spends money foolishly causing great debt
3. He is physically or mentally abusive to ourselves, our children, our homes, vehicles or our pets.
4. He has a history of cheating
5. Never takes responsibility for his actions

We will discuss these at a later date in more detail. We understand our husbands character and what they believe. We trust in their fairness and their honest disposition.

 

Stepford Wifery 101 part 5

From The Good Wife Guide:

• Be happy to see him.
• Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
• Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

While we at The (real) Stepford Wives feel all the precious posts cover these nicely, it does bear repeating and reminding oneself that our husband's are leaders of our homes. They deserve respect. They have spent many hours away from us, with disagreeable people toiling away to provide us with a home, clothing, food and everything else. So yes, be thrilled he's home and treat him with the care and respect he deserves.

Listen to him, let him unload about his day, don't interrupt him to complain about your day. Or give him bad news about the washer. Emergency news, such as family illness should be shared right away, but baring that consider it his time. If he needs to grumble about work, listen, smile and give him your full attention. Show him you appreciate his efforts. When he asks about your day, don't dwell on negative things. If you must tell him about something unfortunate, such as an issue with the car or other appliance, offer to discuss it later -- when he's had time to relax.

There is nothing worse than being blindsided the moment your husband walks through the door with a laundry list of complaints or problems. Serious issues like water gushing from a pipe might require his immediate attention, little this certainly don't. Learn to prioritize. The clothes washer will still be broken after dinner, so long as water isn't filling the basement or coming through a ceiling let it go.

 

If you have a baby, don't thrust the child into his arms and say, "you deal with it!" Yes, we understand there are days we want to do this -- but do not. If the baby is happy then by all means, but if the baby is cranky then insulate him from that. His children should be a joy. He feels the burdens of fatherhood and certainly doesn't need it thrown into his face.

Happy Family

 

Stepford Wifery 101 part 4

From the Good Wife Guide:

• During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
• Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.

We at The (real) Stepford Wives believe firmly a man's home should be his castle. His personal refuge from the world. If the house is warm, cool it down; too cool, heat it up. Make it comfortable. If you allow pets on the furniture, shoo them out of his chair and do take a lint roller to it before he sits. Have a cool drink ready for him and maybe something small to nibble on while you finish up dinner. A tray of some vegetables with some sort of seasonal dipping sauce can be a wonderful starter for the whole family. Remember to refresh your husband's drink so that he doesn't wander into the kitchen looking for it himself.

Make sure the washer and drier are finished before he gets home, the vacuum put away, etc. quiet dishwashers may be run after dinner, if not turn them on at bedtime. As you cook, clean up washing dirty pots and pans as you use them. Keep kitchen clean-up sounds to a minimum after the meal. All children should be instructed to help as well. Children learning this at a young age, will refrain from running from the table after a meal when they enter their teen years. Also you can rest assured that should they dine at a friends house, they will automatically offer to help.


We believe once the dinner is completed, dishes washed and hopefully put away all cleaning shouid stop and you shouid focus only on your family. Finally set the table for breakfast the next morning.

Stepford Wifery 101 part 3

From The Good Wife Guide:

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.

We at The (real) Stepford Wives understand that a cluttered home isn't calm and it's far more difficult to relax when surrounded by mess and disorganization. All homes have what we call 'hot spots;' the place where items are dumped -- taking only a few minutes can help to minimize clutter and form a more pleasing environment for entertaining, learning and family socializing. We personally have noticed that our children argue far less in a clean home -- although non of us can explain why this is. We believe it might be a psychological influence.

Daily dusting of high traffic or sleeping areas will greatly help allergy sufferers.

Stepford Wifery 101 part 2

We at The (real) Stepford Wives, feel strongly the next two are so closely related we would handle them as one.

From The Good Wife Guide:

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

We like these ideas and use them daily. Taking those few minutes remind us of our place and who we do these things for, our husbands. Cooking can involve many different odors, most which will cling to clothing. Taking those few minutes to air ourselves out, freshen up and reapply our lipstick, let's him know he's special. Also, taking a few moments to clean the little ones sticky fingers off and make them presentable for daddy's return.

Being happy and loving to him when he walks through the door most of all, tell him how happy you are that he's home and how much you missed him while he was at work. He's been away from you with yes work weary people but also, never forget he's been engaging in maybe interesting conversations and many might be with the opposite sex. We at The (real) Stepford Wives don't worry about these other women, because we don't nag and we insist on giving our husbands what they need.

Stepford Wifery 101 part 1

From The Good Wife Guide:

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

We at The (real) Stepford Wives cannot begin to express how important this first bit of advice is. Pre-planning meals is a very important time saving device all of us should do. Not only does it save trips to the market, which in turn saves you gas, but it makes meal planning a snap. It does let your husband know that you are thinking of him.

What we, The (real) Stepford Wives, believe meals should be prompt and served at the dining room table, with a crisp table cloth and cloth napkins for an elegant touch. Children should be present during the meal, as it teaches good table manners and encourages them to learn the art of conversation. Lastly, fathers shouldn't be insulated from their children. They both need time to connect.

When possible, soft music should be played classical or jazz are both wonderful, it's our opinion anything soft, slow and instrumental will work.

a good wife

Remember it's the little things that will make your life real simple.

Pleasing Men

This is a topic, possibly deserving it's own tab, however we cannot begin to discuss it, without speaking of Good Wife Hoax. Proported to have appeared in a magazine in the 1950s it was indeed passed around fax machines in the late 1980s, we know this because two of our members remember it from long before Snopes and the Internet. We were young but never appalled by it, although we understood it had to be fake, the Steford seeds were sewn.

We at The (real) Stepford Wives believe many of these offer some sound advice. In the coming days we will outline our thoughs, observations on how to implement many of the ideals held in a resonable way, section by section or grpuping relevent sections together. We will impart our own real world experiences and how to live a modern Stepford way.

The Good Wife Guide

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
• Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
• During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
• Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
• Be happy to see him.
• Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
• Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
• Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
• Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

 

Submission

We at The (real) Stepford Wives believe completely and dedicate ourselves to our husbands authority. We exist in the role of help meet to them. We are happily subservient to their wishes. We are of various religious backgrounds and even have an atheist member. We all agree the Bible is chock full good advice, however it is not our guide. Our guide, at least to us, comes from common sense.

Our husbands control, and we're grateful they take such interest, in just about everything in our lives. We dress for them, the way we do our hair and the makeup we wear. If our nails are neatly manicured (toes too). One girl in our group made the mistake of being talked into having a flower painted on her big toes. Her husband wasn't pleased and let her know in no uncertain terms that would never happen again. What did she do? Why she apologized, of course! She didn't argue they were her toes and she could do whatever she wished with them. No she showed contrition and admitted that he was right. It wasn't worth starting an argument over.

When after witnessing an argument between her husband and their 18 year old son, another one of the girl's didn't interfere. After the argument, the son went to her complaining what a jerk his father was to his mom. She told him in no uncertain terms that his father cares and any good father hates to see his children make mistakes. His dad was head was head of the house and deserved some respect. After that she just turned and walked away, assured the chain of command was reinforced. The boy later went to his father, apologized and the matter was discussed in an adult way. Our friend likes to think her son learned a valuable lesson in conflict resolution, a skill that will do him well for the rest of his life.

Our submission is important not only to our husbands, but us and our families.

 

Never Forget, Never Surrender

 

 

 

Being a Dad Does Not Equal Bungling

We at The (real) Stepford Wives Club are often ashamed of what we see on television, so much so we collectively decided not to watch it anymore. Our homes are quieter, there's far less excitement at the end of the busy day. When we do watch, we use it as a teaching tool to our youngsters. Sure Homer Simpson is funny, but he's a poor Dad role model. Like Peter Griffin, he's an idiot. But those are cartoons, yet our Tv history is rife with bungling Dad's. Even Father Knows Best was often shown, while he could give sound advice was often manipulated by his wife. And displayed as if "normal."

Herman Munster would jump up and down like a child when he didn't get his way. -- it's a wonder he didn't fall through the floor.

Tim Taylor would grunt and talk about giving everything more power. He also didn't evolve, his wife did and probably once the last kid was out of the house left him.

Even Bill Cosby couldn't enjoy a moment to himself without having a child or his wife boss him around.

And please don't get us started on Everybody Loves Raymond. They might have gotten laughs, but were shown to be quite pathetic without women to help them. This trend continues today with The Middle, Modern Family and the like. These are not men, the way they are portrayed worthy of our submission.

Don Draper

Then there's Mad Men's Don Draper. He works hard, plays hard and seems to genuinely to love his three children.

While we'll admit as a character he's deeply flawed. We would rather have a good provider and not behave like a child or be someone we need to parent.

He is a man who can take care of himself. We at The (real) Stepford Wives applaud that.

How it began

It began with an image:

 

One of us was complaining of a difficult day, I put this image on my Facebook page and donned my flame-retardant panties; braced for telling remarks. The women who became my sisters in Stepford replied with kindness. A week or so later we met for our monthly brunch and formed our club The (real) Stepford Wives. We began to institute small changes in each of our perspective marriages, some we are ashamed to admit, were suffering and some possibly headed for divorce.

 

The first was relinquishing all control in the bedroom and never arguing with our husbands. If there was an issue, we began discussing it with respect and giving great deference to their wishes. Not yelling back and calling them stupid. Believe it or not the bedroom was far more difficult since we were well acquainted with the idea that the woman should decide when sex should happen (if at all). Relinquishing that control, meant that we had to do it on their schedule not on ours and no excuses short of menses or contagious illness would change that.

 

After a month, we reported back with our personal successes and abysmal failures, giving us encouragement to continue. Next was we stopped treating our husbands like one of our children, instead asking them more for their thoughts and ideas on how we could better organize our day. They surprised us by rolling up their sleeves and giving us some pretty solid advice that we took to heart and tried. Was their advice always perfect -- no, even the best hitter doesn't hit a home run all the time. But we went back to them and asked what we were doing wrong, which opened the door to real discussion.

Each time we reported back with our successes we became empowered and emboldened to press further. We wished to increase our submission to our husbands and they were loving it.

 

Our husbands were not completely out of the loop, eventually they understood all too well what was going on and more important these changes were here to stay. They rewarded us with each with pearl necklaces to symbolize their commitment. They decided together as a group to do this just for us. One of our husbands remarked that people in the military are routinely given medals, as a show of appreciation, to wear on their uniform. We wives deserved nothing less!

 

Simple Strand of Pearls

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

 

It made us so proud of ourselves and them, we had discovered something very profound and felt very blessed.