Etiquette

We at The (real) Stepford Wives Association, believe strongly in wholesome family values. Our husbands lead the home and we couldn't be happier to exist under their thumb. They might seem heavy-handed or even harsh. We do not see them that way in the least. In fact, we welcome their often critical views and adopt their world view as our own.

We dress, not for other women or our church; we dress for our men and if our men love to see our cleavage it's for them. We do not worry that we are inviting temptation or leers of strangers. The idea that men are unable to control their desires is something we find ridiculous. So the woman who cover their bodies in ugly jumpers and wear leggings for modesty so they don't accidentally show a leg is equally silly in our view. We dress for our husbands PERIOD!

On occasion we are invited to "women-only" events or parties and we must RSVP, as required by social norms and rules of etiquette. Social norms have changed greatly since our mother and grandmother's day. Things that were once shunned are rather commonplace -- like people living together without marriage or having babies out of wedlock. Generally, we take these with a case-by-case approach. What goes on with consenting adults is none of our concern.

Today, the lines are blurred and we are often stymied as to what is appropriate. Recently speaking, a few of us were invited to a baby shower for a sixteen year old girl. The proud papa has already given up his future parental rights and the girl has decided to keep her baby. The Grandmother-to-be is hosting the shower. We were torn as to what to do. Do we simply attend and pretend this is something to be happy about? The wish-list is completely outrageous as well. The girl wants her mother's well-meaning friends and family to outfit the whole nursery, complete with top-of-the-line accessories. This still wet-behind-the-ears, never worked a day in her life girl also wants money to continue her education.

We at The (real) Stepford Wives applaud the right to choose! If this girl were an older young woman, with a job or at least a college degree, we would offer our support. If she were getting married, we would offer our support. Just because we remain supportive of choice doesn't mean we must pander to everyone else. The girl in question decided not to abort and that was her choice -- she also rather selfishly decided to keep her baby and try to play house by raising it herself. Another choice.

The best thing for this baby would be adoption and not the kind of adoption where the birth mother strings along an adoptive parent to care for her child until she decides when the baby is no longer a baby to take the child back. No, an adoption where the child is placed -- and it is done quickly so that the teenager can move forward with her life.

We each sent our regrets to the shower in question and it's doubtful our lack of presence was noticed. We did send a gift after the baby was born -- the grandmother sent out announcements. We do wish that young baby-mother the very best -- but we cannot condone this. We celebrate the baby -- not the mother.

 

Always Smile

Smile, though your heart is aching

Smile, even though it’s breaking

When there are clouds in the sky

you’ll get by

If you smile through your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You’ll see the sun come shining through

for you

Light up your face with gladness

Hide every trace of sadness Although a tear may be ever so near

That’s the time you must keep on trying

Smile what’s the use of crying

You’ll find that life is still worthwhile

If you’ll just

Smile

If we at The (real) Stepford Wives Association had a personal credo (other than to serve men) it would be to simply smile. This simple song written by Charlie Chaplin personifies perfectly what we believe deep inside. We smile. How we feel inside, angry, hurt, frustrated; we do not cry out in anger, we smile through it.

We never falsely feign happiness, we simply are happy and even if we are sad, we outwardly show and demonstrate happiness. We are thrilled with our husbands and the lives they afforded us to live. We remain composed and poised to handle the challenges of modern living wearing our best smile as reflection of our very lives. This is our most beneficial and important asset and it's never false. Our smiles are completely genuine. We are just that happy!

When we do become down or blue we remind ourselves how difficult our husbands must have it, being around people who rarely smile, save for after work. We remind ourselves of all the people so much more less fortunate than ourselves.

It gets us through whatever we are going through, well that and hugely tidy home with healthy children. Plus we have The (real) Stepford Wives Association to help and to see us through. It is also a large reason how we earned our pearls.

 

Seen but Never Heard

We at The (real) Stepford Wvies Association believe our husbands are entitled to whatever they wish -- we suppose what they most often crave is quiet. It is incumbent upon us to spend most of time waiting to be useful to them and not be a bother. Idle chatter is distracting for our husbands. They spend hours of the day dealing with things we simply cannot comprehend but we also must adapt and learn to curb our enthusiasm when they return home.

Sometimes we do have important things to share with them, but the reality is most days those things can wait. It's important and we cannot stress this enough to spend plenty of time looking our best. We should be eye candy and not flapping away about something trivial.

When we are escorted by our husband out for an evening, we proudly shine like a bauble for their pleasure. When we serve our husbands dinner, we do so much like a good maid would. Quietly! And we take it rather personally when we leave something out, we know they would ask for. We make no excuses or yell that we know or it's coming -- but we apologize and quickly get the missing item.

During outtings with our husbands we remain quiet and wait for them to speak to us. We are always free to ask questions or make a request -- such as on a hot day to ask for water, but we do always try to see to their needs before our own. We arrange things the way they like them -- for example in restaurants it's common for the table to be cluttered -- we remove those things to an adjacent table if we know our husbands will not touch them.

My husband will often order iced tea with lunch -- I immediately when the waiter brings it, begin adding the sweetener he likes and squeeze the lemon. Then I serve it to him. Same with coffee at the end of the meal -- it is placed the way he likes it by me.

Remaining quiet is difficult, yet it's also rewarding because it makes our husbands very happy and proud. We always want them to be proud. Endless prattle is not how we gain their approval. We gain it through our silence and submission.

 

Everything Old is New Again

We at The (real) Stepford Wives delight in providing our families with the best. This means today shopping for organic foods -- recently in our town we noticed a local co-op dairy began offering home delivery of dairy products. Our husbands did not hesitate to sign us up for this time saving service. They deliver six days a week.

On their first delivery dropped off a cooler and a very simple order sheet and left us with four quarts of milk in pretty glass jugs. Just like in days gone by. We can order cheeses yogurts, cream and butter! All delivered fresh each morning. Naturally all those things aren't delivered daily -- but the overall convenience is well worth it.

The cost is reasonable saving us time, limiting running to the store for a scant few items, which in turn leaves more time for cleaning! The added bonus for us is the milk is organic and raised without antibiotics or steroids. The chickens are certified organic and cage free. The quality is amazing and the peace of mind knowing that our items aren't trucked across the country or even hundreds of miles and left of a loading dock for only Lord knows how long is worth small price.

Now it seems we benefit greatly from our local farmers market -- a bounty of foods and we have begun the process of laying in food for the winter. Canning and dehydrating vegetables and fruits so enjoy during the cooler months. Additionally we are starting to make stocks for upcoming winter months and checking our butcher shop for specials our families enjoy. End of summer means planning for winter months. The canning, freezing and preserving will continue until late fall.

Stocking up the pantry, which by now is wearing thin is always a good idea as summer begins to ebb into fall, in the coming months stores will begin running specials on items like flour, baking powder, salt -- etc. Stocking up means taking advantage of these savings and deciding how much will be needed to get through until next summer -- white unbleached flour will last about a year -- other types of flour have a shorter shelf life. Packaged yeast can be frozen. Cake yeast cannot -- depending how much baking you do that is the one item not to over-stock.

Making your own pancake mix can save time on busy school mornings.

Mix together

6 cups all-purpose flour

1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda (check expiration date first)

3 teaspoons baking powder

1 tablespoon kosher salt

2 tablespoons sugar

Store in an airtight container for up to three months -- shake container before using.

When it's time to make pancankes add in

2 eggs, separated

2 cups buttermilk

4 tablespoons melted butter

2 cups "Instant" Pancake Mix, recipe above

1 stick butter, for greasing the pan

2 cups fresh fruit such as blueberries, if desired

Heat an electric griddle or frying pan to 350 degrees F. Heat oven to 200 degrees F.

Whisk together the egg whites and the buttermilk in a small bowl. In another bowl, whisk the egg yolks with the melted butter.

Combine the buttermilk mixture with the egg yolk mixture in a large mixing bowl and whisk together until thoroughly combined. Pour the liquid ingredients on top of the pancake mix. Using a whisk, mix the batter just enough to bring it together. Don't try to work all the lumps out.

Check to see that the griddle is hot by placing a few drops of water onto to the griddle. The griddle is ready if the water dances across the surface.

Lightly butter the griddle. Wipe off thoroughly with a paper towel. (No butter should be visible.)

Gently ladle the pancake batter onto the griddle and sprinkle on fruit if desired. When bubbles begin to set around the edges of the pancake and the griddle-side of the cake is golden, gently flip the pancakes. Continue to cook 2 to 3 minutes or until the pancake is set.

Serve immediately or remove to a towel-lined baking sheet and cover with a towel. Hold in a warm place for 20 to 30 minutes. Yield around 12.

Tip: Batter can be stored in refrigerator over-night but subsequent pancakes are a little thinner.

Sample week

Sunday: Eggs with Sausage, toast, fresh mango or papaya. Or if winter canned peaches or apricots

Monday: Pancakes, banana slices, ham fresh orange juice

Tuesday: Easy Risers -- Fluffy scrambled egg, mixed with cheddar cheese and topped with Canadian bacon on whole wheat English muffin.

Wednesday: Pancakes with fruit like frozen blueberries.

Thursday: Bacon and eggs, fruit juice, whole grain bread

Friday: last of pancake batter, with eggs and left-over meats.

Saturday: Egg bake with ham, cheese (makes a great after school snack too).

For the egg bake:

1 cup fully cooked ham, cut into small pieces

2 cups shredded cheese our family loves smoked Gouda.

1/4 cup Parmesan Cheese

1 tablespoon flour

1/4 teaspoon Italian Seasoning or Cajun Seasoning for zip

1/4 teaspoon pepper, divided in half

1/4 cup butter, melted

12 eggs

1 cup milk, half-and-half or whipping cream

1/2 tablespoon Dijon mustard

Instructions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees and lightly spray a 13x9 baking dish with cooking spray

Cut ham and add to large bowl

Add shredded cheese, Parmesan cheese, flour, seasoning and 1/8 teaspoon pepper, combine and pour into baking dish evenly

Melt butter and pour over ham mixture

In a large measuring cup, add 1 cup milk or cream, break eggs into measuring cup, add Dijon mustard and 1/8 teaspoon pepper, whisk well

Pour over ham mixture

Bake uncovered at 350 degrees for 30-35 minutes or until a knife inserted in the middle comes out clean.

Optional: sprinkle casserole with more cheese and return to oven for a couple minutes until cheese is melted and bubbly

You can also easily divide this recipe or double it as needed.

As prepared serves 8, halved serves roughly 4.

Cleaning Up

We at The (real) Stepford Wives Association know its sometimes taxing to keep up on mundane chores whilst keeping the rest of the home up to what

we refer to as 'Stepford Snuff'.' During the long summer months with children home from school, it seems endless for the good wife who refuses to feed her children snacks on paper plates.

It is for this reason we adhere to strict summer schedules for eating and snacks. Breakfast is served promptly at 7:30am -- same as when school is in session. After all out husbands need to eat and we are not a restaurant.

Lunch is served around 11:30 - 12:00pm and normally consists of a left-over from the previous dinner. Usually with a twist, chicken can be cubed and made into chicken salad. Roast beef is shredded and mixed with a sauce or left-gravy and served as sliders. Vegetables are non-negotiable and neither is fruit. Children do not eat nearly enough fruits and vegetables.

The long haul is for dinner time which for us is normally 7pm. So it's smart to provide a good snack between 2:30 - 4:30pm (which is also on school days when some of our children get home). After cooking dinner, take a few minutes to freshen your makeup and prepare a beverage for your husband. Greet him with a smile and know you have accomplished it another day.