Being a Stepford Wife

We, at the (real) Stepford Wives Association often discuss about being a Stepfrod Wife and how to be the best wife to our husbands. It isn't about being "perfect" but perfect for them. Being the way they wish us to behave, dress, cook and keep house. We are not a "retro" group. We do not surround ourselves with everything from the 1950s or earlier. Sure, some might wear vintage clothing. We prefer modern vacuum cleaners to the ones our Grandmothers used. Of course, hand scrubbing floors is always preferable to other meathods. A little white distilled vinegar, some warm water and your floors will sparkle. Dry the floors as you go to prevent danamge to hardwood.

Good old fashioned elbow grease is always preferable to many modern appliances.

We avoid using food processors for a good set of knives, unless absolutely necessary. However there is one item, our stand mixers and that's used frequently for all the bread, cakes and the Kitchen Aid stand mixer has many attachments, like a juicer, pasta and sausage maker. We appreciate having one good tool that can serve many purposes.

The internet has a wealth of information but if one searches "Being a Stepford Wife" aside from this place you find many blogs or websites just talk about emulating the movie -- not even the book! Wear flowery pastels because that's what the women wore in the movie and never mind if your husband hates that look!

Which brings us to the final point, if we are under their command and authority, who are we to decide what is "Stepford" enough? That's for them to dictate. They demand a clean home, a well-kept wife and mother to their children, as well as sexually satisfying for them. They want a woman to behave as a lady and not try to do his job of being a man. Our communication with our husbands is far stronger than those marriages outside our circle of Stepford. We can truly go to them for any reason at all, especially if we are feeling overwhelmed or bogged down. They empower us, by taking control. Thus placing us in the position to lift their spirits when they're stressed and provide them with love and balance they deserve.

 

Overnight Guests

We, at the (real) Stepford Wives association believe strongly in being prepared for unexpected or expected overnight guests. It is always the niceties people neglect. Sure we have all seen the ready-made "guest baskets" but how useful are they? Most are filled with single use items. We Stepford's abhor the the idea of reusing a loofa (just one of the many items always included). It makes you think twice if you stay over at a friend's home and are offered one. Or think of it this way, would you let someone else outside maybe your husband, use your loofa? Why on earth would you include one of these? Even if you are not completely certain the guest used them to shower, you still must toss them after.

 

So what does our guest list include?

 

• A water Carafe and glass (or two) The last thing you want are overnight guests bumbling around your kitchen to find a glass. Do fill the carafe, never fill the glass. Any type will do, you can certainly go fancy or keep a simple glass water bottle with a stopper atop. Some magazines (cough, cough) recommend a drop or two of food coloring as a 'treat' for guests. We do not recommend that. Should the guest spill it, it will ruin their clothing, your bedding or carpet.
• A toothbrush and travel tube of toothpaste This one might sound silly but often you can find them for free at your dentist office, sure they have the name of the dentist printed on them, but they're wrapped in plastic and welcome sight for the person who might have forgotten their own. If they don't use it, you'll know. Never, ever offer an unwrapped toothbrush, unless the guest witnesses you pulling it out of a multipack.
• Shampoo, soap, wash and a personal hand towel The soap should be wrapped up so the guest knows its unused. You can use travel size shampoos. The hand and wash towels should look different than any regular towel so the guest doesn't lose track of them!
• Bath Towels Again, special ones that won't become confused with other towels in the house, true especially if the guest must share a bathroom with other family members.
• If you know your guest is an early riser, set up coffee the night before: Yes, we prefer pressed coffee too, but your guest might not want to go through that trouble or know how it works. If they aren't the early rise types, disregard it.
• A nice large Bathrobe: Very important especially if guests are expected to share a bathroom with other family members.
• Empty Closet and/or dresser: This is a nice one, most people store extra things into closets or drawers in guest rooms. A couple games, a deck of cards, but the guest shouldn't be overwhelmed with your family's junk. If there is a writing desk in the room, supply stationary or even postcards and pens. Maybe a couple postage stamps.
• Place extra toilet paper on the tank Again you do not want your guests hunting for extra toilet paper. Sure, your family knows where it's hidden, but the guests do not. Normally, we Stepford's find it horrible but it's a welcome sight at parties -- because you never know.
• Candles, matches or flashlight and extra blankets In case of a power failure or the room becomes cooler than your guest prefers extra blankets in the closet or placed draped across the bottom of the bed is a lovely touch.
• Acquaint yourself with the guest, if possible, before they arrive so you can tailor your own items to suit their needs.
• Do enquire about dietary concerns your guest might have. Try not to offer bacon for breakfast if your guest has a history of heart disease. If the guest is completely unexpected don't worry about it or run out to try to find the British crumpets and clotted cream they mentioned briefly. People who are unexpected are usually the most forgiving.
• Do ask if they prefer coffee or tea or juice. Make sure the sugar bowl and creamer are filled -- especially if your family doesn't use it. If they are tea drinkers make sure you have fresh lemon, maybe honey available and different teas are a lovely touch

The point is, you want guests to lose the inherently awkward feelings one has when spending the night at a friend's home. You want them to feel as comfortable as possible.

 

From the Past: Gloves

Recently we at The (real) Stepford Wives Association met to catch up on the latest events in our lives. We had a lovely brunch at the home of a fellow Stepford wife and spent time discussing the journal. Eventually the subject turned to television and movies, specifically period pieces from days gone by. Shows like Downton Abbey, movies like Titanic were also mentioned.

We absolutely loath television shows and shun many films, unless it's something our husbands wish to treat us to. Otherwise we are simply too busy to engage. One item that was mentioned was a bit of etiquette surrounding gloves. it seems one of our sisters in Stepford questioned if it was considered proper to eat while wearing gloves as often seen on TV.

Absolutely not! Not ever should a lady wear gloves to eat or drink. At a dance or formal gathering a lady will remove her gloves before accepting a drink or bite to eat, better still a lady would refuse it all together. Opera length gloves should be treated as lingerie and never removed publicly seductively or as though one would do a burlesque. One would remove it discretely before being seated at the table and placed in your bag, or they could rest under your napkin, take care that it doesn't fall or slip from the spot. Some might suggest that you rest them on seat and sit on them while dining, if that can be achieved again discretely it is fine. They are returned after the meal is complete and again without fuss or flourish -- usually in the ladies room after lipstick has been reapplied. Do we need to suggest that you remove them when you use the bathroom? We shouldn't and it should be obvious why.

Different types of gloves and their purpose

Short cotton gloves are generally what one might think of an all-purpose glove. You can wear them while driving, shopping, running errands, meeting your husband for lunch, going to the movies, etc. One never wears gloves while engaged in eating, drinking, or applying makeup. These gloves may only cover the hand, usually with a pearl button at the bottom, or extend to cover the wrist entriely or partially. One never wears a ring of any type over the glove -- it's just tacky.

Lace gloves that extend slightly past the wrist are suitable for outdoor weddings, or other semi-formal events. All the rules apply.

Formal length gloves go to the just the elbow and are reserved for special occassions like social gatherings, formal dances or gala events (such as dinner with the president, a prestigious award ceremony).

Short, formal or opera length gloves are for formal occassions only and can be made from soft kid-leather, silk or satin. The length of gown one wears might provide a clue to length of glove. Tea length gown, shorter gloves, fitted longer gown formal length to the elbow. Extreme formal events opera length with a suitable gown -- it should be noted opera length goes passed the elbow, midway the upper arm -- those extending to the shoulder are passé and often considered gauche. The gloves should only be purchased in three colors, white/off white; taupe, or black. The only exception might be an opera silk or satin glove dyed to match or nicely contrast the gown. A long black glove should never be worn with light pastel dress. A white glove long or opera length can be worn to balance a black dress. In any case the gloves should be snug in fit, but not too tight they appear to cut off circulation or so loose, they gap or fall down the arm (or off the hand).

We at The (real) Stepford Wives Association do love our gloves, hats and scarves and hope to see you making the most of them also.

 

Mother's Day

Whilst many women hold high expectations about mother's day, we at The (real) Stepford Wives Association do not.  In fact, we prefer spending the day doing all the things we love, which includes doing special things for our husbands.  Let's not forget without them, we wouldn't be mother's.  Being recognized is fine for those who need it, but really when we cook, clean, do laundry we are actively showing our families how much we love and adore them.  What better way to show it than on Mother's Day?  

Husbands should honor their own mothers, just as we should.  So we do take up the task to buy a few special items for them, which are wrapped by us, some even pick up a card for their husband to sign.  Some of our husbands prefer to send flowers to their mothers (and ours) and will often have flowers sent to us as well.  Just because -- we think it's silly that they would buckle to a societal pressure but we also do not mention that to them.  

Some of us are lucky to have our mothers and fathers still with us, so when we gather to celebrate them, we try to make it something a little special.  A lovely corsage sets the right tone, a lovingly prepared meal with the flowers received as the centerpiece -- what on earth can be better than that?  Mimosa and Slo Gin Fizzes flow for our mothers and sometimes a pitcher of Bloody Mary for the men.  It is far less expensive and much more comfortable to stay home and celebrate than go for the traditional hotel brunch fare, with eggs that are like rubber and mimosa isn't even included despite the huge $$.  

Now some women reading this might laugh or feel prickles and even wonder aloud, 'who honors these women,' the question is fair.  Our husbands do honor us by allowing us to be women.  And we at The (real) Stepford Wives Association find little to be wrong with that.  

Proper Dress

We, at The (real) Stepford Wives truly adore fashion. We do not, however presume what our husbands would prefer. We discuss at length and pay close attention to any critissm they might have. For example my husband Derek absolutely hates flowery dresses or anything with ruffles, bows or lace. His friend, Paul, who's wife is also a sister in Stepford loves to dress his wife in stately clothing that's decidedly retro. Their friend Rick, prefers his wife to look ultra feminine, with flowery pastels.

We at The (real) Stepford Wives association go according to what they prefer, but above all else we conform to a certain style. We strive to be thin, because that adds to our fragile appearance. Many of us wear corsets and garter belts. There's no shame in a good girdle if your hips are larger than you wouid prefer. We exercise and take good care of ourselves, since our appearance is important and to our husbands like all men...Apperances count.

 

Points of Order

Recently, we at The (real) Stepford Wives Association, gathered together at a local restaurant to discuss our direction and how we wish to proceed. Many important items were discussed, and our readership continues to grow. We know each us receives email of new posts to our journal, so we keep up with the latest thoughts.

Our journal is not, nor was ever intended to be a how-to guide on being a Stepford Wife. We are not in the business of educating or informing the general public on how we live. We are not aligned with any type of religious doctrine or dogma. Our intent has remained consistent, this place is where we affirm our beliefs and share wisdom.

We struggled with the idea if we should allow comments from the public, while we all agreed it would be nice to hear thoughts from readers outside our circle. Yet, we all agreed that we do not wish to invite discourse or recrimination. Comments on the journal unanimously were declined.

We will continue to affirm what we all truly believe evident about our lives for ourselves and each other.

Shopping local

We at The (real) Stepford Wives believe in taking full advantage of of the bounty available of local growers. While there may be cheaper fruits, meats and vegetables available, we do not know the distance they have traveled or how long they have just sat in a warehouse. When you take the time to purchase ultra fresh locally grown you can rest assured that they're not just sitting around. Some also some sell farm fresh organic eggs, cheeses and convenience foods, so look around.   We also suggest purchasing all the fresh herbs you will use throughout the week on your large shopping day.  

Building a profession relationship with a real butcher is far better than just picking out what looks good, among the tightly wrapped in plastic offerings at the supermarket.  Your butcher, once getting to know should offer suggestions on sales or upcoming events.  Also building a reputation with a competent fish monger is another grand suggestion.  When entering such an establishment, inhale deeply.  It simply shouldn't smell like fish.  If it does, walk out because it's either not clean enough or the fish is old.  It should and often does have a mild fish odor that doesn't knock you out as you walk through the door.  Again they will and should be more than happy to alert you to specials they might offer.  Some of our husbands don't care much for farmed fish, so when the good stuff from the ocean is available our fishmonger will always alert you.  

A good bakery is another find although we prefer taking the time to bake our own special treats, they can be a point of inspiration for flavor combinations you might not have thought about.  Like adding curry powder to caramel, or cayenne pepper to chocolate.  

Always develop a good relationship with a wine steward at your finer grocers or wine shop.  Especially if you aren't sure what to serve.  The staid idea of red with meats and wine with everything else is passe, a good Stepford Wife always knows that the wine served is the one our husbands enjoy.  

A well stocked pantry is also a must, simply because one cannot always run to the market.  Baking soda, or baking powder have tight expiration dates, keep some on hand unopened if you do not use them often.  Keep a variety of vinegars, we use champagne, red wine, sherry, rice wine, good balsamic, the more traditional distilled (purchased in a huge gallon size since it's great for laundry) and apple cider vinegars.  For oils we routinely keep a good selection of canola, a few bottles of different Olive Oils, extra virgin and light that's generally used just for cooking or pan frying.  Taste your olive oil.  Some are just lovely (not to mention much more healthful) and are great for dipping bread.  Others might be best left for cooking or salad dressings.  You decide. Also keep a few cans of good quality unsalted, whole or diced tomatoes. Always purchase the best you can afford, we routinely pass on the $1 cans of Del Monte tomatoes in lieu of the more expensive and far superior can.  

This brings us to something else.  Always purchase reduced salt or unsalted items.  Americans have too much salt in our diets (nearly double of our European brothers and sisters) and we are currently one of the few countries that insist upon using corn syrup instead cane sugar in a sodas.

And yes, we too have seen the commercials proffered by the corn industry telling us that its safe (in moderation) and your body cannot discern the difference.  However, there are also numerous studies that demonstrate that corn sugars, attribute greatly to something called insulin resistance, which is the leading cause of type two diabetes.  So the commercials while technically true are being disingenuous to the threat against us.  Our husbands reminded us that studies are done by scientists and are made to be read by their peers who understand thoroughly their findings.  Not to be taken apart by lay people or those on dole of the industry featured in the study.  

A Clean Home

We at The (real) Stepford Wives Association intrinsically understand what our family needs are and if those needs are being met in a proper Stepford way. This point was driven home recently when our outside temperatures dropped, as expected during the cooler winter months and power was lost for several hours. 

It is often said that candlelight hides flaws and it's a point we find difficult to argue with or outrightly dismiss.  When the power went out, we immediately set out lighting extra candles (candles are always utilized during the winter months in our homes) and brining out warm blankets.  We made sure our husbands and children were comfortable as our homes cooled.  Soup and hot cocoa were prepared (thank goodness for gas burners).  We watched as our families, exchanged funny stories or terribly bad jokes,  played games, children serenaded us with songs and music filled our home.  

The power remained off for most of the afternoon and into the evening after darkness fell on our area.  Outside, high winds and snow blew.  When power was finally restored some hours later, the house suddenly alive with bathed in light so bright everyone seemed to blink.  It was obvious apart from blankets around and snuggling to stay warm, the home was just as spotless in the bright light as it was in the partial darkness.  

There was a measure of pride that billowed out deeply from each of us that was only evident much later when we discussed it at our brunch meeting.  We find it incredibly odd that some women who profess to be Stepford Wives dismiss outrightly our meetings as being unStepford, yet they provide commentary on "news" events our husband's alone would know about and have obviously deemed us not needing to be concerned about.  We're far too busy, cooking and cleaning to bothered with all that nonsense anyway.  We concern ourselves with only the things our husband's find important for us to know.